


Dinosaur Bob

by ChibiSquirt, Pohadka



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: AKA, Bucky doesn't like to admit how much he knows about dinosaurs and so, Dinosaurs, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, MCU fandom why is Drunk Science not a common tag?!, Sam Wilson Can Talk to Birds, Sam Wilson is a Gift, Sam Wilson is a bamf who cares which means, Science Nerd Bucky Barnes, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark is a prickly horse chestnut with a gooey caring center, birthday fic, drunk science
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 18:53:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10905369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChibiSquirt/pseuds/ChibiSquirt, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pohadka/pseuds/Pohadka
Summary: “Any idea where ‘here’ is?” Sam asked hopefully, sitting up and rubbing at his forehead.“Either we jumped to a Cretaceous-like world, or we’re in our own world’s Cretaceous era.”  Bucky tossed another seed, not at Sam but at a lump across from him.  It squealed and fluttered up into the air clumsily.  “Apatornis, which we thought only lived in the Kansas region.”“Figures you’d be a dinosaur buff.”





	Dinosaur Bob

**Author's Note:**

  * For [galwednesday](https://archiveofourown.org/users/galwednesday/gifts).



> Happy Birthday, Galwednesday! Pohadka did the bulk of the draft, and then graciously allowed me to tear into it like a kitten with some very aggressive tissue paper. She also agreed to _let me post it without reviewing the changes,_ which either shows great trust or great foolishness (or possibly both). So if there are too many commas and/or italics, it's definitely all my fault. Happy birthday! - ChibiSquirt

Okay, so yeah, this looked really bad.  This was what happened when you let Thor science with Stark while both of them were off their rockers on Asgardian Ale or whatever.

Nevermind that _Sam_ had a helluva hangover right now, too.  At least _he_ hadn’t created a time warp that sucked someone to… somewhere really humid.  With a lot of ferns.

What was worse was, it wasn’t the situation that had woken him up.  Instead, it had been an irritated super soldier pinging small seeds off his forehead.

Which meant it wasn’t the super soldier he would have preferred.

“Man, I _really_ hate you right about now.”

“Don’t hate me, hate the braniacs who dumped us here.”  Bucky stayed in the squat he’d adopted several feet away, rolling his improvised ammunition in his hands.

“Uh-huh.  Any idea where ‘here’ is?” Sam asked hopefully, sitting up and rubbing at his forehead.  What he wouldn’t give to be able to call a quinjet over with all the Avengers-grade medical equipment  they kept on it.  

Including Clint’s patented Asgardian Hangover Remedy.

Sam’s head _really_ hurt.

“Either we jumped to a Cretaceous-like world, or we’re in our own world’s Cretaceous era.”  Bucky tossed another seed, not at Sam but at a lump across from him.  It squealed and fluttered up into the air clumsily.  “Apatornis, which we thought only lived in the Kansas region.”

“Figures you’d be a dinosaur buff.”  Sam looked around slowly, taking a deep breath.  It was much warmer, and a lot more humid than he was used to.  Even in the small nook of the forest, Sam was sweating.  “Any idea what to watch out for?”

“Well, that little guy, not so much.  But this is the era for Velociraptors, Carnotaurus, and oh, Tyrannosaurs.  But they shouldn’t be a problem for you.”  Bucky actually smirked at that.

“Yeah? I’m not the one with the metal arm and strength enough to crush throats.”

“No...”  Bucky looked at him oddly, like he was missing a fairly obvious point. “...No, you’re just the one who _talks to birds.”_

 

* * *

 

“Tony, if this thing doesn’t work again…”  Steve growled, arms clenched tightly across his chest.

“I’ll spend a week with Thor’s hammer on my chest, I know, I know—it’ll work!”  He paused, then looked over at the computer nearby.  “Uh.  Will it work, J?”

“I do believe your calculations are spot on this time, sir.”  The blue form that Jarvis preferred bobbed a little.  

“Okay then, Thor, wind her up and let’s get our boys back.”  Tony stumbled back, snapping his fingers for one of his suits to wrap around him.  

Thor nodded, flexed his biceps, then pressed Mjolnir gently against the apparatus to fuel it with his lightning.

The middle of the machine was a platform much like the one Shield had built for the Tesseract, although its purpose was very different.  The interior started to spin in three dimensions at once—or, well... four, technically—each arm on a different axis, all fueled by Mjolnir’s energies.  Thor had sworn he could follow the signature of Bucky’s arm; Tony was just hoping that both of the spare Captain Americas were together, because there was no way to trace Sam.

“I still can’t believe you built a time machine while you were blackout drunk. With Thor!”  Tony could hear Bruce, tucked with Clint and Natasha behind a barrier on the far side of the room, laugh softly at Clint’s words.  (The barrier was important.  That was what had gone wrong the first time: Sam and Bucky had been too close and had gotten sucked in without anyone realizing exactly how.)

“Believe it, Merida,” Tony called to him.  “But once we get your fellow birdbrain and Cap’s BFF back, it’s going to be dismantled.  Immediately.  Promise.”

Steve only growled at that, staring at the swirling blaze of light in the center of the platform.

Two seconds later, the world kinda went sideways with the most intense sonic boom Tony had ever experienced. With a kind of reverse pop, the scene inside the platform wobbled, then solidified into a wormhole.  

Beyond its edge, it was all green fern and huge trees, and something very large running across the ground. Gigantic thick legs covered in a light layer of feathers passed in front of  the opening, then came back at a much slower pace, pausing on the other side of the wormhole.  Shorter front legs came into view, then a large, placid looking head on a long neck.  Hanging from that neck was Bucky Barnes, wearing some sort of feathered cape.

“Holy shit, you finally figured it out!”  Barnes let go of the neck of the...  Nope!  Nope, nope, nope, nope, no, he couldn’t say it, wouldn’t say it, _could not_ say it.  

There was _no way_ that Tony Stark would ever admit to seeing the Winter Soldier _riding a dinosaur._

Just... pretend it never happened.  That was the ticket.  

“Yeah, okay. So _that_ worked.  Half-worked, anyway,” Tony mumbled to himself, turning to start figuring out how to find a biped human trapped in a time when they shouldn’t exist.

Steve was already pushing through the wormhole to crush Bucky in a hug.  

“Man, Sam’s gonna be mad. He’s really having fun, now that he’s gotten the hang of it,” Bucky’s loud voice carried over.  Tony froze, then turned back to look.  (He was never going to admit to the relief he felt just then, either.)

“Having fun doing what?” Steve was asking.  

“Riding a Pterodactyl, of course.  He’s the freaking King of the Dinosaurs.”

No relief.  Absolutely not.   _None._

“Okay, so how do we get His Majesty down here and over into this century?” Tony asked sourly.

Bucky started to say something, then shook his head before dragging Steve to one side, shooing off the… nope, nope, nope, that was _not a T-Rex!_  In fact...  “J, please confiscate all photos happening today.”

“Aww, no!  Tony!  I need proof!” Barton yelled from behind the shield.

Something loud screeched on the other side of the barrier.  Tony put up his hands instinctively, flexing the repulsors on.  But that didn’t protect him at all when a laughing Sam Wilson rode a Pterodactyl through the wormhole and into his laboratory.

 

* * *

 

“No, you can’t keep him, Sam!  He’s drooping. The air’s all wrong and who knows what kind of diseases we’ll give him.”  

For the first time ever, Tony was relieved that Steve was standing up for his ideals.  Pterodactyls, it seemed, didn’t like to be roped, didn’t like close quarters of a laboratory— full of stuff!  Delicate, breakable stuff!—and they didn’t like pop tarts, either, despite Barton trying to feed it some.  

“Sorry, buddy, but Steve’s right,” Bucky said, dropping down onto the one vacant seat.  He was clean shaven and his hair dripped a little, but Tony didn’t mind the water.  He smelled human again, and that was wonderful.

“Yeah... I know.  But he’s gonna miss us.”  Sam was curled up with Peter the Pterodactyl curled up around his shoulders.

“Better that he misses us and not the open skies.  No one here’s gonna let him fly like he needs to.”  

Tony paused what he was doing, then looked over at Bucky.  He’d never heard that tone of voice out of the man, much less to the guy he teased the most.  

Sam sighed, then nodded and led Peter back to the wormhole.  “Go on, tell everyone about this crazy nightmare you just saw. And tell them that the King said to behave themselves.”

The Pterodactyl squawked and pushed away eagerly, back to the forest on the other side.  Thor released Mjolnir, walking past Sam quietly to just pat his shoulder. Then he paused and hung on to Sam’s belt as the sonic boom and warp reversed, fading back into just plain lab space.

 

* * *

 

Bucky knocked quietly, then leaned into the doorway to peek at Sam.  “Hey, you.  I got a problem here. Thought maybe you could help.”

“If it’s figuring out how to make that wormhole a permanent thing, I’m all ears.”  

“Nope, I’m fine with central heat and air and running water and Stark paying the grocery tab.”  Bucky smiled, then pushed in to sit down next to Sam.  He was sprawled out across the bed, staring out the window which held an admittedly nice view of Manhattan.

Sam didn’t even chuckle at the joke, and Bucky sighed.  “Look... I’m sorry we couldn’t keep Peter over here.  I know you were really enjoying flying with him.”

Sam finally rolled over to look at him.  “Thanks.  Just as I know you hated it, and you’re really happy to be home.”  He smiled, but it was the saddest, most pathetic smile Bucky had seen in a while.  “Back with Steve, and everything.”

“Yeah, well...  I could still use your help.”  Bucky paused, then got up and shut the door. “Jarvis, please seal everything in this room as confidential, only accessed by me and Sam?”

“Yes sir, Sergeant Barnes.”

That got Sam’s attention.  He sat up and swung his legs over, frowning at the former assassin.

“See, my problem is this.”  He fished something out of his pocket, then held his hand out, palm up for Sam to see.

It was the _tiniest little creature...!_ It had a beak and it looked like a fledgling.  It barely even occupied Bucky’s hand.  And now that it was in the light again, it was _furiously_ mad and squawking at them both.

“One, I don’t know what to feed him.  Two, I don’t know how to hide him from Stark, or anyone else.  Three, I don’t even know if he’s a he.  Heck, I’m not even sure if he’s a _known species_ or not!  And four… he needs a name.”

Sam reached over to gently lift the angry creature out of Bucky’s hand.  The claws were already hardened, easily scratching through Sam’s skin.  “How did he get here?”

To his surprise, Bucky blushed.  “I uh...  I had his egg in my pocket.  And he hatched last night.”

Sam had a look on his face like he thought that was freaking adorable, but thankfully, he didn't comment on it.  “Mmm…  Well, part of it is that he’s hungry as hell.  Oh, I’m sorry, love— _she’s_ hungry as hell.”  Sam lifted her up, watching her balance on his hand easily.  “I think maybe we should call you Cera.  Yeah, that’s perfect.”

 

* * *

 

Sam eventually moved to upstate New York, where he developed a reputation for grumpiness whenever he had unannounced visitors.  Except for Bucky.

Thankfully, no one ever asked why.

Not even when there were rumors of a new type of cryptid seen flying around in the dusk and dawn hours, chasing a man with metal wings through the sky.


End file.
